Not a great day today.

Josephine had a weight check today and it was not what I had hoped.

She did not lose weight, but she didn’t gain any either.  In 3 months, Josephine weighs exactly the same…18 lbs, 11 oz.  She did grow 1/2 an inch, up to 32 1/2 inches.

I am so bummed out with this news.  I know I shouldn’t be and I know it will get better, but right now, not feelin’ so hot.

My mom told me not to focus on the negative and worry about the next step later, but I don’t want to.  I don’t have to.

I want to feel what I feel now and I don’t need anyone to tell me not to feel that way.  I know that sounds snotty and insensitive and that’s not how it’s meant to sound, but it does.

I can’t help how I am feeling now and I am not trying to stop it.  I feel like I am letting Josephine down.  I feel like I let myself down.

Working at Weight Watchers, I tell people it’s not the numbers on the scale that matter, it’s how you feel inside and how your clothes fit outside.

But not my little girl.  She needs every ounce she can get.

Yes, she is doing amazing things in therapy and in life right now.  She’s cruising (yep, you read right!), she following simple commands (give me, put the mail in the mailbox), she’s recognizing animals and saying them by name, she’s counting to 5 (or approximating the sounds).

But she’s not gaining weight.

I am scared about what the GI Doc will say…G-Tube.  Night time feedings.  G-Tube.  G-Tube.

We are working so hard to avoid it and I hope it doesn’t go that direction.  Guess we will find out when we see Dr. Sunaryo (GI) and Mitch (Nutritionist).

Until then, guess we will be heading to Cold Stone Creamery every night!

Might as well enjoy this journey any way we can, right?!  Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some here I come!